I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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