There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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