idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
