Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
