I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
