in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
