I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
