every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
