My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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