dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
