Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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