you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
