we have pet lesbian snakes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
