Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
