well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
