i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
