He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
