I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
