you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
