It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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