she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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