I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
