Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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