I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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