I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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