I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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