were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
