That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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