You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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