Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
