when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
