I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
