You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
