its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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