Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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