ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
