just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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