I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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