Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
