the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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