i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
