just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
