I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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