Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
