I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
