you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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