I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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