why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
