is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Boobs speak an international language.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
