So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
