Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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